Article by Gerry McDonnell

The older I get, the grumpier I become. Aged men and women, children and John Motson have all played a significant function in my metamorphosis, but the wife’s driving is almost undoubtedly the overriding element.

I’m not criticising women drivers in common. I’ve shared a ride with a amount of females above the decades without having any grievance. Though in the interest of fairness, there wasn’t a great offer of time to voice any concerns.

The spouse simply struggles to understand the standard rules of the street. She’s constantly searching at mirrors and playing with indicators, when she should be hitting the horn like it was Lily Allen.

Her attempts at parking are equally frustrating. I’ve lost count of the number of situations she’s drove previous a perfectly good handicapped spot, only to park up some fifty yards further away. It really is pure selfishness.

Personally, I place her woeful driving down to a lack of self-confidence. I’ve advised her that a few beers would solve the difficulty, but some folks refuse to consider very good guidance.

Whilst these small flaws are annoying it’s her refusal to travel at an acceptable speed that sends me into an apoplectic rage. The wife is more than happy to trundle along at 20mph, even when there’s no 1 else on the motorway. She does not appreciate the reality that velocity limits and visitors lights are simply unhelpful ideas.

Wayne Rooney is undoubtedly a fan of placing his foot down he as soon as went about 65 in an escort. Manchester United are successful video games with out finding out of 2nd gear they’ll roar past Wigan at 1/five.

It is been reported that a ten yr outdated has damaged a leg after colliding with Steven Gerrard’s motor. The young lad can contemplate himself fortunate that Frank Lampard wasn’t driving as he’d most likely have eaten the leg. I’ll check out to prevent finding knocked above in the rush to again Liverpool at 3/five in opposition to Tottenham.

Blackburn Rovers have something in widespread with Steven Gerrard they each personal a flash Bentley. Mark Hughes would certainly struggle to sell his product: it seems the component, but you can not get it to operate in the summer season. I’ll in no way grow tired of viewing four/six for a Blackburn win about Birmingham.

Gilberto Silva’s luck has deserted him. The Planet Cup winner was very first stripped of the captaincy and then demoted to the bench. If I was Gilberto, I’d steer apparent of the tube station. I collapsed like a Brazilian goalkeeper when I saw one/five for an Arsenal win towards Sunderland.

Alan Curbishley will be trying to keep one eye on the police when he travels to Villa Park. The West Ham manager marketed Marlon Harewood for £4m, so he may possibly effectively be charged with robbery. It would be a crime to skip the even cash for an Aston Villa win.

Michael Owen is on the verge of full fitness, a mere week right after undergoing surgical procedure. As much as I am aware, only Jesus has ever made a faster comeback, but records are sketchy at finest. I’m praying for a Newcastle win above Everton at eleven/10.

Studying may well have been destroyed by Pompey very last week, but I make them my nap of the week to bounce back towards Derby. The Rams are about as valuable as a 2nd bed room to Britney Spears: I’m taking the 4/5 for the Royals.

Mariah Carey has claimed to be a distant relative of Ashley Cole but I cannot see any similarity. The singer has misplaced the assistance of hundreds of a single-time enthusiasts, been rocked by accusations of diva-like demands and has had many failed relationships with guys. I can absolutely see the value in backing the draw amongst Bolton and Chelsea at 13/5.

Gareth Southgate and Sven Goran Eriksson are not on the finest of terms. The hostility can be traced back to Sven’s tenure as England manager, in which he had the temerity to exchange Southgate with younger, better gamers. It’s always unpleasant to see a substantial profile pair fall out so publicly, unless they belong to Jennifer Ellison. I’ll have a great few of quid on Manchester Metropolis at eight/11 towards a goal-shy Middlesbrough.

Leroy Lita has a great deal to solution for. When the spouse go through of his cellular cellphone exploits, she demanded that we adhere to fit. I originally stated that I would only contemplate the suggestion ‘when hell freezes over’, but I felt the likelihood was also substantial, so I altered it to ‘when Benjani scores a hat-trick’. Pompey have tucked me up a deal with, they can make it up to me by leaving Fulham with a point at nine/four.

I have no dilemma with a couple expressing their love by means of the medium of movie but if I wanted to see an energized whale, I’d lease ‘Free Willy’. Arsenal, Looking at, Blackburn, Manchester Metropolis and Newcastle form an eleven/one weekend accer that will hopefully boost my disgruntled demeanour.

About the Writer

Gerry McDonnell dabbles in football odds compilation, journalism and orphan rescue.